Inside the Mainframe"
by TM3 Dinobot
Summary: Optimus Primal, Dinobot, and Rhinox go on a mission INSIDE the Axalon computer.


It was a dark and stormy night approximately 4,000,000 years ago on   
Earth, and as dark and stormy nights go, it was pretty much a slow night for   
the Maximals. Dinobot paced through the dim halls of the Axalon as bored as   
a 5-year-old being babysat by Ben Stien. Even as it was, he always enjoyed   
how much the base's interior resembled his former lodgings of the Darkside on   
dismal nights such as this. He decided to go for a training cycle in his   
specially designed weight room.  
  
For once, Tigatron and Airazor were inside the base as well. They   
had been chatting for about an hour now, but it only seemed like a matter of   
minutes to them. Airazor had always secretly admired her fellow outdoors man,  
but she had somehow never gotten the nerve to tell him. It was a mutual   
feeling between the two.  
  
Cheetor and Rattrap decided to kill a bit of time by playing one of   
the Rat's personalized video games on small Gameboy-like devices hooked up to   
each other. The game they were currently playing had been apparently based   
on the Great War of their ancestors, the Autobots and Decepticons. Cheetor,   
who had selected Grimlock as his character, was in a one-on-one battle with   
the original Megatron. Rattrap in the meantime, who was playing Optimus   
Prime, had gone off to face Unicron singlehandedly. "Geez, Rattrap," Cheetor   
remarked, "when we get back to Cybertron you've GOT to start selling these."   
"Eh, it's a woik of aut, kid," he said. "I couln't bear to part wit' 'em."  
  
"Any new luck with the research, Rhinox?" Optimus asked him while   
sitting at a computer screen. Rhinox was found trying to get anymore   
information about the mysterious 2nd moon in orbit around Earth, and had   
already noticed earlier that it was not as considerably massive as one might   
suspect of a satellite that size. "No nothing yet," he replied. "Wait a   
cycle!" Rhinox suddenly sprang to attention as two small blips appeared on   
another screen to his right. They were Predacon energy signatures, of whom   
were Tarantulas and Black Arachnia. "We've got company!" exclaimed Rhinox.   
"Auto-guns online!" he commanded to Sentinel. But before he heard the   
computer's voice drone out "acknowledged" the way it had always droned out   
before, all of the ships systems simultaneously shut down.  
  
With the ship offline for the moment, it had been pretty much   
rendered as helpless. The perimeter shield was dead, the auto-guns just sat   
there in their places, and the Maximals were temporarily locked inside the   
base. This was another drawback of having an automated man lift onboard ship.  
"Everybody get down!" Optimus yelled to the others. "Brace yourselves for   
impact!" The Maximals ducked. All that they could do was wait. Wait for   
the rest of the Predacons to emerge and rip the base apart, bolt by   
Cybertronian bolt. Instead, they just sat there for several minutes.   
"W-What's happened?" Cheetor asked lifting his yellow head from the floor.   
"....I, don't know.." Rhinox said confusedly.   
  
  
  
  
Tarantulas and Black Arachnia were busy at hand outside the hull of   
the Maximal base in beast mode. Megatron had no idea what the spiders had   
been up to, and remained at the base trying to keep together whatever was   
left of The Darkside. Tarantulas had not intended for Black Arachnia to tag   
along, but she figured that since she had nothing better to do anyway, she   
might as well do some double agent work and try to make sure that her creator   
stayed in line. In the meantime it would get her closer to Megatron's good   
side, and reduce her chances of being caught in the act of betrayal so she   
could take over.  
"CAREFUL, WIDOW!" Tarantulas shouted as Black Arachnia handled a   
small cartridge in her feelers.  
"Calm down Tall, Dark, and Loathsome," she said cooly.  
"Just watch that thing. It's VERY delicate!"  
"Do you really think this virus download is going to work?"  
"It has to. Otherwise we'll probably never get hold of any of those   
stasis pods. This planet has me sick enough as it is!"  
"Oh, why do we need two? One would be good enough for the two of   
us," she said as flirtatious as always.  
Tarantulas grumbled to himself as Black Arachnia handed him the   
cartridge. He held it carefully in his mouth. "Tarantulas: TERRORIZE!!!!"   
He transformed and the cartridge was now in his right robot claw. He always   
did like how simplistic his transformation seemed to be. He pulled out his   
blaster, and blew a hole right into the steel exterior of the Axalon. Inside,  
he could see the circuit boards of the ship's main onboard computer system.   
There he carefully slipped the devise into one of it's logic circuits and   
flipped a small red switch on the side that read "DOWNLOAD". Tarantulas was   
an evil genius, but he wanted things as easy to understand as possible. He   
could hear the system shut down, and the Maximals inside exchanging   
exclamations of confusion. "We're through here," he said to Black Arachnia.   
"Back to base! Beast Mode!" He transformed into his tarantula mode, and the   
two spiders scurried back to their lair at top speed.   
  
  
Dinobot was understandably frustrated as he stormed out of his gym as   
the lights went out. He was busy trying to destroy the Megatron target that   
had been blasting his comrades (who were mere holograms in the room) to   
smithereens. He stomped heavily as he always did onto the Bridge. "What is   
happening?!" he demanded with a growl behind his synthesis circuits. "No   
idea," Rhinox replied as he tapped hurriedly at the computer in a desperate   
attempt to bring it back up. "The entire ship just died for no apparent   
reason." "Eh, well a maintenance-bot could ha' told ya' that, Big Green.   
YOW!" Rattrap said as he stumbled on an unseen cord that ran against the   
floor. Dinobot let out an involuntary chuckle at Rattrap's clumsiness. He   
then seemed to gather all of his Predacon nastiness in an instant. "Well, do  
repair the system as soon as possible," he said to Rhinox with a snarl. "If   
I don't finish my work out in the training quarters, I tend to use that   
energy on the real things!"  
  
  
Meanwhile at the Predacon base, Megatron was enjoying "Days of Our   
Sparks" reruns on one of his many plasma video displays.  
  
  
Rhinox still sat at the computer trying to fix it. Optimus was   
pacing back and forth on the Bridge observing any progress he might have.   
Dinobot was waiting impatiently by the hallway for the lights to come back on   
so he can finish training. Tigatron and Airazor was sitting together in a   
corner huddled in each others' arms. (Tigatron thought that she was afraid,   
but she was just faking it to get his attention.) Cheetor and Rattrap   
continued to play on their video games, almost completely unaware of anything   
the other Maximals were doing.  
  
  
"Well," Rhinox said at last. "I think we might have a virus from our   
Predacon 'friends' who were just outside. And with the computer dead, we   
have to take a look at it manually." Optimus wasn't too sure about the   
decision.   
"Wouldn't that be a little too risky? I mean, what if you   
permanently crash the system or something?"   
"I think I can set up the CR chamber so that a small number of us can   
go inside, have our Sparks dislocated from our bodies and explore the   
computer that way."  
Optimus wasn't sure about what Rhinox was telling him.   
"You mean have our Sparks go directly into the computer system?"  
"Exactly." And with that, Rhinox reprogrammed the chamber by manual   
control, and he, Optimus, and Dinobot were ready for embarkation.  
  
".....This is ridiculous....." Dinobot grumbled to himself as the   
hatch closed on them.  
  
  
The three Maximals seemed to be tumbling through a long tunnel   
blazing with bright light from all directions. "Everybody alright?" Optimus   
asked as they suddenly appeared into reality. Much to Rhinox's surprise, he   
saw that he and his comrades looked as if they were still in their robotic   
structures. But there was more to come. "What in Primus' name is going   
on??" Dinobot exclaimed as they observed their surroundings. What they had   
expected to see was a large, limitless computer matrix of 1's and 0's flying   
by beyond comprehension. But this isn't what they now saw in front of them.   
Standing before them, was huge metropolitan city reaching for what looked to   
have been a simulated sky.  
  
It vaguely resembled Cybertron to the three robots. Aircars plied   
their way almost everywhere they looked, swerving to avoid collision with   
each other and any opposing buildings. The city was bustling with what   
appeared to be small, cubic and spheric robots, almost completely oblivious   
to the Maximals' presence. Dinobot thought he was losing his mind. "I think   
I'm losing my mind..." he confirmed. Optimus looked around. "I'll try to   
get a better look at this," he said. "Prime Jets: ON!" he commanded his   
computer system as he soared into the "sky". He had his scanners on high-  
resolution, and couldn't detect anyone or anything who could in any way,   
shape, or form, be any sort of danger to them. Unless it was that large,   
blue "something" that was speeding towards him and less than a foot away.  
  
  
Optimus crashed to the ground after colliding with the blue   
"something". The something itself crashed right beside him, panting and   
groaning from bruises received from the impact. Optimus could now see that   
the blue something appeared to be a humanoid "life-form" with bright silver   
hair that had been speeding by on some sort of hover board. The stranger was   
formidably indignant. "Hey! Watch where you're goin....." but he was   
stopped in mid-sentence. He had never seen a robot from Cybertron like   
Optimus, let alone anyone outside another system, and it was easy to state   
that he was not unsurprised by the presence of this strange man of metal.   
He aimed his wrist at Optimus. Primal saw that there was a small device on   
the stranger's wrist, and he immediately realized that this person was an   
assassin of some kind, ready to blow him into stardust. Having fallen from   
such a great altitude, Optimus was too hurt to react to his attacker, and all   
he could do was wait for him to finish him off.  
  
"Glitch: Identification." he heard the figure say instead. Optimus   
opened his eyes, and saw that the object on the stranger's wrist that he had   
mistaken for a weapon, had now been transformed into a small scanner.   
"Bob!!" yelled someone else from behind. The stranger, who Optimus had   
correctly guessed was "Bob", spun around, and was tackled by a younger, green   
figure in a red baseball cap and wearing a T-shirt that had "01" printed on   
it. The small figure leaped off his hover board and into Bob, sending him   
sprawling against the ground. "Oh,wowBob!AreYouAllRight???CrashingLikeThatMust'veBeenAMajorGlitch!Hey,WhoAreTheseGuys?"   
the smaller figure said hurriedly. Bob shoved him of his chest and stood up.   
"Enzo, meet the Users!" he said as he extended his blue hand to the Maximals.  
  
  
Dinobot and Rhinox stood by Optimus, observing these strange   
humanoids that occupied their computer system. "...Incredible," Rhinox   
muttered. "What the......?" Dinobot said. "Welcome to our system," Bob said   
to Optimus. "I am Bob, Guardian of Mainframe." He raised his hand   
outstretched to the vast, futuristic city. "My function is to protect the   
city from viruses, mend any tears, and defeat the User in games. I must say   
that you guys are quite the game players." Bob was obviously referring to   
Rattrap, who had up to this point had played several computer games in the   
past. Dinobot cracked. "WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE???" he yelled at Bob.  
  
"We're computer sprites," said the smaller figure. "Hi, I'm Enzo,"   
he said putting out his hand. Rhinox approached Bob. "Look, I hate to be   
too forward, but could you tell us where to find the central processor?" He   
wanted to get straight to the point.  
"The what?" Bob asked.  
"You know, the main component of this system."  
"Oh, the Principal Office?"  
"Uh, I suppose so, yes."  
Bob pulled another hover board from behind him and tossed it towards   
Rhinox as it unfolded. "I can take you there. Follow me." And with that,   
Bob and Enzo zipped off into the center of the city. Rhinox could only hope   
that he wouldn't fall off the hover board, as Optimus and Dinobot tailed the   
Sprites.  
  
"What exactly are you doing in our system?" Bob asked Optimus as they   
flew. "We think a virus may have entered here through a download," he   
replied. "Our only hope of getting back online is to get rid of it."  
"Well I certainly hope so. Viruses may be burdensome out in the   
material world, but in here, they can create total chaos."  
"What do you mean?"  
Before Bob answered what he meant, he pointed forward. "Look, there   
it is. You can probably locate the virus from there."  
  
They all landed in front of a huge, dome-like building with a large   
sphere hovering at the top of it. "I am not normally the most concerned in   
precaution, Optimus," Dinobot whispered. "...but do we really know what   
we're getting ourselves into?" Optimus nudged Dinobot. "Just make sure not   
to fire at anything until I give the word." After walking down a long hall,   
they were soon greeted by a small golden robot on a single wheel. It's   
squinting eyes, dialect, and "hairstyle" made it look vaguely Japanese.   
"Hello, Users. I am Fong." it said. "I understand you're looking for a   
virus?" Rhinox stepped forward. "Yes, it's been here for about an hour now.   
It could destroy the entire system." Fong spun around. "Well then, follow   
me. We must locate the virus and delete it." They followed him into a room   
filled to the ceiling with computer scanners. Fong typed at them for a few   
minutes, and soon got a fix on the virus. "AHA! I've found it!" "Where?"   
Bob and Optimus asked simultaneously. Fong paused, stunned with terror as he   
saw where it was. "It's in the Principal Office's main hall!"  
  
  
Bob and the three Maximals rushed into the main hall, and found   
themselves in the presence of a large, purple virus. It had a dinosaur head   
of some type where it's right hand should have been. The virus turned   
around. "Optimus Primal! So good of you to drop by. This will make things   
easier....yes." Optimus couldn't believe his optic sensors. "Megatron???"  
"Yes, it's me. I hope you don't mind, but this computer system is   
now...MINE!" He suddenly began firing at them. They dodged the laser bolts   
firing at them, and straight into a new barrage of laser fire from a small   
army of binomes in black and purple, matching Megatron's own color scheme.  
  
Rhinox and Optimus leaped towards Megatron, while Dinobot and Bob   
blasted like crazy at the reinforcements. "Now this is more like it!"   
Dinobot said to Bob enthusiastically.   
  
"Don't be a fool, Megatron!" Optimus yelled. "If you destroy the   
system, then you're scrap as well!" Megatron shrugged as he continued firing   
at them. "Oh, if only Megatron were here. Unhappily I am a mere simulation,   
programmed as a fatal virus." He aimed at the main computer controls in the   
room. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Virtual annihilation!" But before he   
was able to blast the consoles to scrap information, a siren went off. Bob   
looked out the window as the sky turned a dark purple. "No, not now!" he   
gasped.   
  
  
Meanwhile in the real world, Rattrap was getting bored out of his   
circuits. If Dinobot were around, he would be satisfied giving him a simple   
heckling. As he was not, an involuntary groan escaped from his mouth. "Hey,   
Spots," he said at last. "Eh, help me hook up my GameBot (tm) to the   
compute' 'ere." A few years before he had signed up as an exploration unit   
on a mission onboard the Axalon, Rattrap had borrowed a copy of the CD-ROM   
game Starship Titanic which one of his Autobot friend's who had bought from   
planet Earth. It wasn't as exciting as his other games, but it was   
intriguing. He had managed to plug his GameBot into the computer, so he was   
able to view the game in the hologram projector in the center of the Bridge.   
Although, he had not only hooked his game into the hologram monitor, but the   
game had also been downloaded into the computer.  
  
Back in Mainframe, the dark purple sky seemed to implode for a   
moment, as a gigantic purple game cube descended directly over the Principal   
Office. The Megatron-virus saw the game approaching. "Well," he said, "this   
should be rather interesting... yes." Dinobot and Bob just finished off what   
Mega-virus had assembled for his army. The game cube slammed into the   
Principal Office, but only seemed to slide over it. Bob, Dinobot, Optimus,   
and Rhinox soon found themselves in one of the game's overtly glamorous   
rooms. It was the port Embarkation Lobby of the Starship Titanic. Optimus   
and Dinobot had of course often been in starships, but they had never seen   
any like this, even though it wasn't real. The floor had been smooth,   
polished marble, and a large chandelier hung in the center of the ceiling.   
"Reboot!" Bob said, unexpectedly. The Maximals looked at him, and saw that   
Bob was now a smartly dressed robot wearing headphones.   
  
"Glitch: game stats," he said to his Glitch. A moment or two later,   
Bob reported just what it was they were doing in the game. "We're in   
Starship Titanic. Objective: Make things as difficult and confusing for the   
user as humanly possible." Optimus was still staring at Bob's new look.   
"What did you do to yourself?" he asked. Bob pointed at a small icon on   
Optimus' chest. "I pressed this icon here, and rebooted to gain skills   
needed for the game." Optimus hesitated for a moment, then figured "when in   
Mainframe...." He clicked on his icon and turned into what looked like a   
walking standard lamp with the Starship Titanic logo printed on his chest.   
Dinobot and Rhinox did the same, and Dinobot transformed into a robot that   
looked like a desk lamp with arms, while Rhinox turned into a French android   
and fell to the ground in pieces.  
  
Dinobot found himself screwed down to the desk in the Embarkation   
Lobby. "I can't believe this is happening," he groaned. "Could someone   
please tell me that this is going on so I know that I haven't gone insane?"   
No one paid attention to what Dinobot was saying. Bob was assigning the   
Maximals their tasks while they were in the game. "Okay, Optimus, you're a   
Bellbot, so you're going to be able to 'assist' the User whenever he summons   
you. I'll be doing the same, since I'm a Doorbot. As for you, Rhinox, as   
the Maitre D' Bot you can only stay in the 1st Class Restaurant." Dinobot   
tried to get his attention by waving his twiggy arm. "And what am I doing   
bolted to this desk?" he demanded. Bob turned and looked at him. "You're   
the Deskbot, so you can only stay in the Embarkation Lobby here. You're   
going to be giving the User class upgrades if he finishes the puzzles   
necessary to get them."  
  
Optimus turned his domed, golden head to Bob. "How do we expect to   
beat the User here?" he asked. "We do nothing," Bob replied. "We simply   
wait until the User gets confused and decides to turn the game off. Dinobot   
sighed and lowered his lamp shade. He could already tell that being in the   
role of a stationary character was not going to be glamorous.  
  
Bob suddenly remembered that they had a greater problem at hand.   
Mega-virus was still somewhere loose in the game. "What sort of weapons can   
we work with against him?" Optimus asked, realizing that his cutlasses, wrist   
launchers, and shoulder cannons were missing. Bob thought for a minute.   
"We have chicken!" Bob said after a moment. Optimus didn't know what he just   
heard. "We have what?" "We have chicken. Roast chicken. We have to get   
down to one of the 3rd Class Decks." Bob had it all worked out. If he knew   
this ship as well as he thought he did, his plan would work perfectly.   
"Optimus," he said. "You come with me. Dinobot, you stay here. The 3rd   
Class User will probably be here soon whining for an upgrade to 2nd Class."   
Dinobot groaned again, as Bob the Doorbot and Optimus the Bellbot headed for   
the Elevator Lobby.  
  
  
"Good day to you, Sir, Madame, or Thing," said the Liftbot as they   
entered the lift. "How may I assist you with your vertical traveling   
requirements today?"  
"Take us down to the Super Galactic Traveler Class E Deck," said Bob.  
"I can't imagine what you'd be doing down there, but if that's what   
you want..."  
"Yes that's what we want."  
"Floor 37. Right away, Sir, Madame, or Thing," it said unhappily.  
  
Bob and Optimus stepped out of the lift into a drably decorated hall,   
with 18 "staterooms" stacked on top of each other. Each room was   
approximately 7 X 8 X 8 feet in dimension, which wasn't nearly as large as   
the fabulous staterooms of 1st Class by any means. Bob found Mega-virus   
crouching over the Succ-U-Bus robot at the far end of the hall. He had a   
piece of the ship's central intelligence core, and was trying to send it into   
the deep recesses of the ship's bilge.   
  
  
Bob whispered to Optimus. "Okay, you head over to the chicken   
dispenser there, and flip that little yellow switch to get a chicken." Bob   
pointed to some sort of machine that looked like a huge loudspeaker. "I'll   
try to get that piece of the intelligence system away from the virus."   
Optimus ran over to the chicken dispencer, and somehow managed to get the   
machine to cough up a chicken. Meanwhile, Bob was trying to fight Mega-virus.  
"Don't even think about it, Sprite! You have no idea who it is you're   
dealing with!" Mega-virus said as he fired his laser at him. Bob picked up a   
spare chair standing in the Super Galactic Traveler Class lobby, and the   
laser bolt ricocheted back to Mega-virus. As bad luck would have it, it hit   
his dinosaur head, and was no longer able to use it.  
  
"Now!" Bob yelled to Optimus. Optimus raised up the chicken and   
threw it at Mega-virus, sending him tumbling into the tray of the Succ-U-Bus.   
The minute he fell in, the Succ-U-Bus was activated, after smelling the   
delicious chicken. "Aaaaaaaah, Chicken," it said in a raspy voice. "I love   
chicken!" And it leaned over Mega-virus and the chicken and sucked them both   
up with it's vast snout. "No! Noooooo!!!" Mega-virus yelled, as he was   
sucked into the ship's bilge.   
  
"The Succ-U-Bus was a rather controversial part of the ship's design.  
In an age when Tele-Presence was all the rage, the idea of transmitting   
objects quite physically and literally through the means of vacuum tubes   
seemed old fashioned and retrogressive. It was always safer than   
teleportation, or any pseudo-travel arrangement. Once more, (the) Succ-U-Bus   
robots would be able to sort and categorize anything put into their trays, so   
if you failed telling them where the object is to be sent, it would do it   
automatically. But the system was not intended for human beings, and the   
Succ-U-Bus was supposed to reject any living creature that may have fallen   
into their trays. Clearly this was another area where compromises had been   
made during the construction of the starship."   
Entry from "Starship Titanic" by Douglas Adams.   
  
  
Bob leaned behind the Succ-U-Bus console, and found that Mega-virus   
had dropped the piece of the ship's central intelligence core. "Got it!" he   
exclaimed in triumph.  
  
  
Meanwhile, the User (Rattrap) was trying to squeeze an upgrade to 2nd   
Class out of Dinobot. "Come on, Chopper-Face! Why won't ya' jus' give me   
the stinkin' upgrade??"  
"Why does Megatron talk to himself, Vermin?"  
"I don' know, Scale-Belly!"  
"And I don't know why I shouldn't give you the upgrade."  
"Then why won't you?!?"  
Dinobot thought for a minute. "Mmmmmm, because!"  
"look, Dinobot, just give me an upgrade to 2nd Class, and I won't be   
here to bug you about it."  
Dinobot was losing patience. "Listen, who put the 'Star' in   
'Starship Titanic'?"  
"Uh, the producers of this game?"  
"That's correct. Now, who put the 'Desk' in 'Deskbot'?"  
"The producers of this game."  
"Okay, now listen carefully. Who put the 'Slag' in 'Upgrades'?"  
"Oh, please. There ain't no 'Slag' in 'Upgrades'."  
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Garbage-Breath!" Dinobot   
yelled at him. "There ain't no slaggin' upgrades!!"  
  
"Aw, forget it!" Rattrap said. "I'm gettin' outta' 'ere. And stay   
outta' my games!" And with that, Rattrap quit he game and Bob, Dinobot,   
Optimus, and Rhinox were back in Mainframe. The purple sky turned back to it'  
s normal shade of blue as an unseen computer voice said "Game over".   
  
"Well, I don't know how to thank you guys", Bob said to the Maximals.   
"You defeated the virus, and helped me save the system." "Don't mention it,"   
Optimus said. "It's our computer too, you know." Rhinox pulled a small   
gizmo out from his pocket. "We really should be going now to make repairs to   
the ship," he told Optimus. "Yes, well goodbye Bob. Maybe you could come   
see our world some time."  
"Thanks anyway, but I'll just stay here in the virtual reality."  
  
Dinobot, Optimus, and Rhinox poured out of the CR chamber as Cheetor   
opened up the hatch. "Great to have you back Big Bot!" he said in a cheerful   
voice. "So what's it like inside the computer?" Before Optimus could answer,  
he heard a tapping sound behind Rattrap. "Wait a minute....." he said   
looking down at his GameBot. He could see that Mega-virus was now trapped   
inside the machine. "Get me out of here!" it squeaked. "When I get my hands   
on you I'm going to blast you and all your little Sprite friends to slag!   
You know you can't keep me in here forever!...."  
  
  



End file.
